CALLIOPE
by MYHEARTFEELSDEADINSIDE
Summary: CALLIOPE.
1. Chapter 1

**CALLIOPE.**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** ANY CHARACTER I LOVE, I DESTROY ENTIRELY. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

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One day in Homestuck world, Calliope woke up inside a trash can. "UGH. FUCK." she screeched as she crawled out. "FUCKING TITS GOD DAMN IT."

John Egbert heard the commotion and flew over concerned for his skull creature friend. "Golly gee, are you okay, Calliope?!"

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE, BITCH!" Screamed Calliope, "SHUT IT AND DIE."

John was angry. "Geeze, what crawled up your ass and died?" He asked.

"YOUR FUCKING FACE, YOU BLUE SHIT." Calliope shouted as she threw the trash can at him. "EAT YOUR OWN SHIT AND DIE."

John got scared and flew away.

Later, Calliope stumbled into Roxy's house. "HEY BITCH, GUESS WHO THE FUCK IT IS."

Roxy was surprised to find her beloved friend visiting her. "CALLIOPE!" She smiled, "It is wonderful to meet yo-" Calliope interrupted by slapping her.

"SHUT UP!" she screeched, "WHERE THE FUCK IS LORD ENGLISH?"

"Ouch Callie!" sobbed Roxy, "Why did you hurt me?"

"BECAUSE SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Everybody is preparing to fight against Lord English in the backyard." spoke Roxy in between sobs, "Why are you looking for him? Doesn't he want to kill you? We're all fighting to save you, Calliope!"

"AND MY ASS IS FIGHTING TO YOU SHUTTING YOUR FACE!" yelled Calliope, "I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING TRASHCAN! BUT DID YOU ASK AS TO HOW I'M DOING? NO! IT WAS JUST 'HIII CALLIE' BULLSHIT! FUCK YOU."

"I was getting to that, you meanie!" frowned Roxy as she ran out the room, "I'm out of here!"

Meanwhile, Andrew Hussie, and all of the trolls and kids from the Alpha and Beta universes were prepared to fight Lord English. "You won't get away with this!" shouted one of the Beta Kids.

"HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO BEAT ME, WHEN I HAVE ALREADY WON!" bellowed Lord English.

Suddenly Calliope stumbled out into the middle of the arena and pointed her wand at Lord English. "HAHAHAHA YOU ARE FAT!" she laughed as she threw her wand at him.

Everybody gasped.

Lord English started to cry and everything became awkwardly quiet.

"Wow, Calliope." said Andrew Hussie breaking the silence, "Looks like we know who the REAL bully is." Everybody shook their heads in agreement.

Calliope was infuriated. "WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK. AW MAN! COME ON, ASSHOLES! HE LIKE FUCKING BULLIED ME MY WHOLE LIFE, AND HE'S CRYING OVER ME CALLING HIM FAT?!"

"Geeze Calliope, you're not supposed to insult people's weights!" spoke John, "That's fatophobia!"

"BUT HE SENT SOMEONE TO KILL ME AND HE WAS GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!"

"Man, looks like we may need to dox you." spoke Kankri.

And so Calliope got doxed by all of Tumblr for being fatophobic, Lord English needed to seek counseling after being called fat, and everybody learned Andrew Hussie is actually a whore.

 **THE END.**  
Actually... no. You shall suffer through more. **  
LEAVE REVIEWS.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**CALLIOPE: RETURNS.**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** EUARGHGHHSLJFKSJF. I AM NOT OKAY. FUUUUUUUUCK YOUR ALBATROSSES. MOOGA!

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It was the next day in Homestuck world, and Calliope woke up inside a trash can again.

"AUUUUUGH FUCK." Calliope screeched as she struggled to pull herself out of the trash can. "WHO THE FUCK KEEPS PUTTING ME IN THIS SHIT?" The trash can tipped over and began rolling down the street with the cherub still in it. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

The trashcan landed in front of Aradia. "Oh no, are you okay?" asked the concerned troll as she pulled Calliope out of the trash can.

Calliope stood up and started scraping the trash off herself and onto Aradia's face. "UNCLE FUCKA WHATCHU YOU _SAAAAY?_ " Screeched the cherub. "SHUT YOUR FUCKING BITCH FACE, YOU RAM RETARD."

"Excuse me?" Asked Aradia, shocked at Calliope's vulgar mannerisms.

"GOT ANYMORE RAM?" Calliope yelled, "BECAUSE IT IS THE FUCK RAMMED UP YOUR ASS, _BIIIITCH_."

Aradia shoved the cherub back into the trashcan with a swift kick, and then sent them rolling down the street. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" screeched Calliope from within the trashcan. "FUCKING RAMASS BITCH!"

It eventually hit a tree and she crawled out. "UGH FINALLY."

Suddenly Ms. paint appeared with a broom and began sweeping Calliope back into the trash can.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Screeched Calliope trying to fight back the broom, "SO IT IS YOU THROWING ME INTO THE TRASH EVERY FUCKING MORNING. QUIT THAT SHIT."

"No, no." Responded Ms. Paint as she swept the cherub into the trash can. "I clean."

"STOP THAT."

"No… no." Ms. Paint stood the trashcan up and placed a lid over it. "... I clean."

Calliope screeched angrily from within the trashcan and gave up trying to get out.

Five days later, a dump truck was going around the city picking up the trash from the trashcans. Calliope heard it park right outside. "OH SHIT IT'S THE COPS." She used her wand to explode open the trashcan, getting trash all over the trashman.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" screeched Casey the trashman, "YOU GOT YOUR SHIT ALL OVER MY SHIT!"

"AND YOU GOT YOUR SHIT ALL OVER MY SHIT!" Calliope snarled, " WHAT? YOU WANT TO FUCKING EAT, YOU SMALL YELLOW SHIT?!"

"That's racism." Spoke Kankri out of nowhere, "You are highly problematic. We will need to dox you again."

"OH GOD FUCK NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" screeched Calliope as she ran, but it was too late.

All of Tumblr doxed her for being racist.

 **TO BE CONTINUED.**


End file.
